Days of Disbelief
I reasoned that since I cannot see God and nobody has seen him, he does not exist . I was told by my atheist friends that all these religious beliefs were baseless and practices useless, not supported by scientific studies and were means to exploit people by the priestly class. If God does exist, why there is so much of misery, poverty, disease and squalor in our country where every village has a temple, most of the people observe so many rituals every day of the month to please God and get his blessings and protection, I argued. Here in our country the Hindu religion encourages laziness by telling people that it is one’s fate that one is suffering and nothing can be done about it.The religions encourage begging taking advantage of the belief of the people that by doing charity one will go to heaven after death. It also makes one believe in ghosts and evil spirits which are also not visible like God through our physical eyes and force one to do certain rituals, which are apparently ridiculous to a scientifically tempered man, to ward of the ghosts and evil spirits.
In Russia they do not believe in any God and see how quickly they progressed materially, financially and has become a super power. Hence I thought we should also discard all these blind religious beliefs and practices and be scientific in our outlook and support the communist takeover of the government through democratic way so that we may also become a materially developed country, with everyone having a good house to live in , education and employment . medical care and old age care looked after by the Government as is happening in USSR. The indoctrination was so complete that I started believing as told by my friends that Hindu scriptures are literary works not based on historical facts...Krishna, Rama of the epics are purely poetic characters created by people and there is no use of worshipping them. There is no use in going to the temples and praying.
, something to be done by weak minded people. People should be moral out of social necessity and not due to fear of hell and punishment by God
These thoughts followed by practices neither liked by my father nor my mother I stopped going to temples, stopped doing sandhya vandanam[ morning and evening worship of sun god] . These have saddened my father very much and he stopped talking to me which pained me a lot. Although mother did not like my atheism, she always used to say that even if you do not believe in god, do good to others, have no ill will against others, never speak bad things about others, you will always get all protection and blessings of Guruvayurappan.
I was told that all these modern conveniences are made by western people who are having scientific temper and see how useful things they have invented for comfortable living. We can never achieve material prosperity as we are steeped in ignorance, blind beliefs and lack of spirit of enquiry and adventure. I was also told that most of western scientists did not believe in god and they do not suffer in any way on account of their non-belief in god. The western medicines are more effective than the traditional medicines of ayurveda.All these religious people make us narrow minded thinking that what we believe and practice are the right one, all the modern inventions were there in the olden days in our country but in a different form and we should not consider inferior in any way whatever might have been achieved by western countries including Soviets.
The days of atheism/communism continued for some time and during those days I used to read all books that prove that god does not exist and all these rituals. prayers are all useless. I remember to have read a book by K Damodaran , a communist ideologue of Kerala . wherein the author said that in ancient India the theists purposely and forcefully nipped atheism and that was why charvakas did not get any footing in the country and I ndia became materially poor. He also states that religion is the opium of the people, a quotation taken from the writngs of Mao[or Karl Marks] harmful for the material development of the people of the country.There was a new found courage now to argue regarding religion with friends which invariably ended in quarrel.However my fear of ghosts left completely with the thinking that all those things are created by mind and nothing really exists .I used to come from Trichur to my village alone in the night after seeing second show cinema say around 3in the mornings through the coumpound of Siva temple, a feat of courage.
Then durig my first year in the college, I was down with asian flu along with all members of the family excluding mother.That was the year when the flu was rampant all over the country with almost all members of the family down with the flu. all over India.Special medical dispensing centres were open in all panchayats and people thronged to these centers for medicine in large numbers which were mostly mixtures of different colours.The flu was contolled but it made me extremely week..I attended the college with great difficulty.Since we had financial problems[the land reformation Act passed by communist government made us paupers overnight] I had to walk all the way to Trichur, a distance of 5kms.After attending one week,I used to be bed ridden for another week.This has seriously affected the studies and all the treatments, ayurveda, allopathy etc were tried, but of no avail.Mother went on praying and one day she told me that I am not getting cured becauseI have left all religious practices, prayers etc.Father also agreed with it.I was in a fix and did not know what to do.I was i deep confusion and the fear of not having enough money to take care of my health and the conseqences made me depressed and sad which in later years made me over cautious in regard to health bordering hypochondria
From class 5 onwards I was doing very well at the school, with half fee scholarship from a charitable trust of a christian businessman[I I IYYAPPAN TRUST].I sood first in 7th class in the school[ the teacher who appreciated me in my achievment,I still fondly remember her] and the educational scholarship contined till I completed 10th class[In the 9th class I got full scholarship frm Thattil Kochuvareed Trust].In the 10th class I got first class and was second in the school.Iwas awarded the best student gold medal award by I I IYYAPPAN TRUST being the first amongst the students who received scholarship from the Trust.I could attend the function but could not talk much due to extreme weakess though my beloved teachers wanted to tell the students how I could study well.I remembered to have told them that I was influenced greatly by the story of Madam Curie, the Nobel Laureate.That book in malayalam inspired me to work hard for achieving anything in life.
My friends who came to see me told that I would not live long.The continued ill health made me to think again about god and whether it is due to my thoughts and actions that I am suffering now..Since I was not able to go the college regularly I was afraid that all my ambition and aspiration in life are going to be shattered.I used to weep silently.A family photograph taken those days [I do not remember the occasion] shows me skinny and very unhealthy.I used to weep in silence.The University examination was nearing and I had attended the classes in the college hardly for three or four months out of of seven months and I was asked to produce medical certificate to allow me to appear for the Pre-University Exam.
In Russia they do not believe in any God and see how quickly they progressed materially, financially and has become a super power. Hence I thought we should also discard all these blind religious beliefs and practices and be scientific in our outlook and support the communist takeover of the government through democratic way so that we may also become a materially developed country, with everyone having a good house to live in , education and employment . medical care and old age care looked after by the Government as is happening in USSR. The indoctrination was so complete that I started believing as told by my friends that Hindu scriptures are literary works not based on historical facts...Krishna, Rama of the epics are purely poetic characters created by people and there is no use of worshipping them. There is no use in going to the temples and praying.
, something to be done by weak minded people. People should be moral out of social necessity and not due to fear of hell and punishment by God
These thoughts followed by practices neither liked by my father nor my mother I stopped going to temples, stopped doing sandhya vandanam[ morning and evening worship of sun god] . These have saddened my father very much and he stopped talking to me which pained me a lot. Although mother did not like my atheism, she always used to say that even if you do not believe in god, do good to others, have no ill will against others, never speak bad things about others, you will always get all protection and blessings of Guruvayurappan.
I was told that all these modern conveniences are made by western people who are having scientific temper and see how useful things they have invented for comfortable living. We can never achieve material prosperity as we are steeped in ignorance, blind beliefs and lack of spirit of enquiry and adventure. I was also told that most of western scientists did not believe in god and they do not suffer in any way on account of their non-belief in god. The western medicines are more effective than the traditional medicines of ayurveda.All these religious people make us narrow minded thinking that what we believe and practice are the right one, all the modern inventions were there in the olden days in our country but in a different form and we should not consider inferior in any way whatever might have been achieved by western countries including Soviets.
The days of atheism/communism continued for some time and during those days I used to read all books that prove that god does not exist and all these rituals. prayers are all useless. I remember to have read a book by K Damodaran , a communist ideologue of Kerala . wherein the author said that in ancient India the theists purposely and forcefully nipped atheism and that was why charvakas did not get any footing in the country and I ndia became materially poor. He also states that religion is the opium of the people, a quotation taken from the writngs of Mao[or Karl Marks] harmful for the material development of the people of the country.There was a new found courage now to argue regarding religion with friends which invariably ended in quarrel.However my fear of ghosts left completely with the thinking that all those things are created by mind and nothing really exists .I used to come from Trichur to my village alone in the night after seeing second show cinema say around 3in the mornings through the coumpound of Siva temple, a feat of courage.
Then durig my first year in the college, I was down with asian flu along with all members of the family excluding mother.That was the year when the flu was rampant all over the country with almost all members of the family down with the flu. all over India.Special medical dispensing centres were open in all panchayats and people thronged to these centers for medicine in large numbers which were mostly mixtures of different colours.The flu was contolled but it made me extremely week..I attended the college with great difficulty.Since we had financial problems[the land reformation Act passed by communist government made us paupers overnight] I had to walk all the way to Trichur, a distance of 5kms.After attending one week,I used to be bed ridden for another week.This has seriously affected the studies and all the treatments, ayurveda, allopathy etc were tried, but of no avail.Mother went on praying and one day she told me that I am not getting cured becauseI have left all religious practices, prayers etc.Father also agreed with it.I was in a fix and did not know what to do.I was i deep confusion and the fear of not having enough money to take care of my health and the conseqences made me depressed and sad which in later years made me over cautious in regard to health bordering hypochondria
From class 5 onwards I was doing very well at the school, with half fee scholarship from a charitable trust of a christian businessman[I I IYYAPPAN TRUST].I sood first in 7th class in the school[ the teacher who appreciated me in my achievment,I still fondly remember her] and the educational scholarship contined till I completed 10th class[In the 9th class I got full scholarship frm Thattil Kochuvareed Trust].In the 10th class I got first class and was second in the school.Iwas awarded the best student gold medal award by I I IYYAPPAN TRUST being the first amongst the students who received scholarship from the Trust.I could attend the function but could not talk much due to extreme weakess though my beloved teachers wanted to tell the students how I could study well.I remembered to have told them that I was influenced greatly by the story of Madam Curie, the Nobel Laureate.That book in malayalam inspired me to work hard for achieving anything in life.
My friends who came to see me told that I would not live long.The continued ill health made me to think again about god and whether it is due to my thoughts and actions that I am suffering now..Since I was not able to go the college regularly I was afraid that all my ambition and aspiration in life are going to be shattered.I used to weep silently.A family photograph taken those days [I do not remember the occasion] shows me skinny and very unhealthy.I used to weep in silence.The University examination was nearing and I had attended the classes in the college hardly for three or four months out of of seven months and I was asked to produce medical certificate to allow me to appear for the Pre-University Exam.
posted by Bharat at 2:14 PM
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